I don’t care about Bruce Jenner’s genitals. I don’t care if they’re male or female, intersex or no sex at all. It’s his biz, not mine.

I do care about the emotional torture people experience when they have questions about their gender identity or sexuality, especially if they are fragile adolescents, struggling to “fit in.” For that reason, I was hopeful that the Bruce Jenner interview with Diane Sawyer on ABC-TV would be a true public service and soothe some kid struggling between suicide and self-acceptance.

I hoped his tears were real, not the rehearsed ones of a reality-show retread. I wanted his words to be sincere when he said he wasn’t profiting from his soul-searching announcement. I almost deferred to Diane Sawyer’s journalistic integrity to sniff out sincerity, and not serve as a shill for a new sur-reality show starring Jenner’s genitalia. But alas, we were all scammed by the man whose glistening grin once graced a box of Wheaties. As for Diane, well…she once worked for Richard Nixon, the master of the national emotional con game.

The Hollywood Reporter’s story which ran on the same day of the heavily promoted ABC-TV Jenner/Sawyer interview, detailed that Bruce had already inked an agreement with E! Entertainment TV to do an 8-part “docu-series” about his transgender journey. Somehow, Loose with the Truth Bruce forgot to mention that tiny detail in his two hour heart-to-heart with Diane. Somehow, Sawyer forgot to bring it up as she looked into his crocodile-teary eyes. Maybe she didn’t know; maybe Jenner’s new reality-show deal—being produced by the same two producers who keep shoveling us “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,”–wasn’t signed until after the show was taped. Or maybe, just maybe, the bigger deal for ABC was to air the interview—which was a ratings romp over all other programs in that timeslot —by agreeing not to mention that Bruce and E! had a contract in hand as a condition of Jenner not jumping with his interview to a competing network.   Surely, Comcast, the owner of BOTH E! and NBC, had to know it’s Entertainment Network had been negotiating a new deal for yet another reality show featuring a Kardashian castoff. Network deals are not done overnight, and Comcast is the type of tightly run company where every deal is carefully scrutinized by its corporate lawyers.

For Jenner, it was like winning a Triathalon . He had a contract in hand with E! to pay him handsomely. His sex-change would be handled as a “docu-series”—a serious reality show; AND he took into his confidence, and his clothes closet, the credible former ABC Nightly News Anchor Diane Sawyer to serve as such a sympathetic salesperson. How could the slippery scheme be dismissed as just another extended series of Kardashian classlessness, if it were so subtly sewn into Diane Sawyer’s sophisticated hemline?

ABC got the botox injection of ratings it mainlines, Comcast/NBC/Universal got two hours of free Superbowl-style hype for an upcoming E! reality series starring Jenner’s genitals, and Jenner got….. an Olympic-sized Gold Cup overflowing with money, Diane Sawyer’s sugary sympathy, and a grateful nation of voyeurs turning our lonely eyes to him, once again.

Will this All-American hero/heroine donate a sizeable portion of his “Jenscam” (or “Genscam”) proceeds to counseling & healthcare services for transgender youth around the world? Will he use his new fame and fortune to fund anti-violence campaigns against the LGBT community, or at least to educate his fellow Republicans about sex, sexuality, gender and equality?

Will ABC devote part of the network’s financial windfall from the Jenner interview to do an 8-part “docu-series” on the lives of transgendered youth?

Will Diane Sawyer be fired—a la Brian Williams—for being duped, and missing the story of Jenner’s pre-existing contract with E! to bare all?

Don’t touch that touch screen…

( New lyrics by Steve Villano, with generous assistance from Paul Simon, and sung to the tune of “Me & Julio Down By the Schoolyard.”)

Mama Sonoma rolled out of bed

And she ran to the polling station.

When White Papa found out, he began to shout,

And started the investigation.

“It’s against the law; against natural law,

What the Mama saw, was against natural law.”

Mama ran down, campaigned around town,

Every time the name gets mentioned.

White Papa said “NO,” not a Castro,

I want to stick him in the house of detention.

We’ll we’re on our way, and we all know where we’re goin.’

We’re on our way—we’re takin’ our time, but we all know where—

Goodbye to Crazies, the Deans of Cojones,

See, it’s Hil and Julian up in the White House..

See , it’s Hil and Julian up in the White House.

In a couple of days they’ll try to take me away,

But the Tweets got my story leaked.

And when the radical Right tried to snuff out my life,

We was trending with all social news geeks.

Well we’re on our way, and we all know where we’re goin’.

We’re on our way—we’re takin’ our time, but we all know where—

See, it’s Hil & Julian up in the White House;

See, it’s Hil & Julian up in the White House.

Goodbye to Crazies, the Deans of Cojones,

See, it’s Hil and Julian up in the White House.

See, it’s Hil and Julian up in the White House.

See , it’s Hil and Julian up in the White House.

(Dedicated to “Mama Sonoma,” Mara Levy Kahn, whose wonderful full-of-life, full-of-love photo inspired this rendition.”

(A poetic parable, inspired by my granddaughters, ages almost 6 and 3 ½.)

Jack & Jill came home from school,

With empty pails for water;

Buckets for the bath & shower,

To catch runaway drops like we oughta.

The showers went on, the pails went in

And each one filled right to the brim.

“Now, careful! Don’t spill,” said Jack to Jill.

And gently, gingerly they went down the hill.

When they arrived, the plants were alive,

Leaves stretching up towards the sky, where rain

Once came, bye and bye,

Until the sky…just…went…dry.

Month after month, no rainfall fell

Making the ground feel hotter than… Well,

Hotter than it’s ever been,

Drier than anyone had ever seen.

Tomatoes shriveled on the vine,

And grapes just died before their time.

No sauce for the pizza,

No wine for the palate—

Just getting through the day

Felt like being hit by a mallet.

Lawns went dry; golf courses fizzled.

All for lack of a gentle drizzle.

“We’ve got to save enough to drink,” the Gov’nor said,

“Or we shall sink.”

So farms cut back, and frackers turned blue.

Cars went dirty, and sidewalks did too,

Just being sidewalks,

Like most sidewalks do.

Sprinklers didn’t sprink,

And people didn’t even THINK

Of filling up pools,

Or being greedy fools.

The grown ups had failed,

To fill up their pails,

Or save enough water,

For sons and daughters.

So Jack and Jill, came down the hill,

Joined by classmates by the mill…

Each kid had a pail, filled with melted hail

And each plant they saw, sipped carefully through a straw.

The plants began to cheer,

“Hooray, the future’s here!”

At last, the humans have found the cure:

It’s caring for each other, simple and pure.

So while awful dolts fought over puddles and piddles,

Sensible solutions came from those who were little.

They learned about sharing and caring in school,

And new cooperation was very, very cool.

Bucket by bucket our water grew,

One million pails, now there are two.

Keep ‘em coming , Jill, Jack & Janet;

You’ll be the heroes to save our planet!