Trump’s New Show: “Shit Sandwich!”

Last May, I published a piece on social media that called upon the mainstream media to eat Donald Trump alive at his own game. Since television’s insatiable hunger for cheap, low-cost, low-talent Reality TV made a crass, shrivel-souled little man with tiny hands into a celebrity out of Trump (thank you, Jeff Zucker & Mark Burnett) and helped build his puffed-up platform for a Presidential campaign, my reasoning was that TV also had the power to devour him.

NBC dumped the Donald when his ratings nosedived — despite what the imaginary friends in Trump’s mind tell him. Now, however, having used television and social media’s obcession with suspense, suspension of belief and bug-swallowing to slip in through a basement window of the White House, it’s not so easy to get rid of the bloated, no-talent fraud.  It’s even tougher when he has Secret Service protection, and is in possession of a nuclear, non-edible “biscuit,” even if he isn’t in possession of his senses.

For the first month of his occupation of the office, the perpetual “Apprentice” has, predictably, acted like one, and barricaded himself behind bunkers in the White House, Mar-A-Lago, and his Castle on the Hill on Fifth Avenue. Instead of quietly conducting his Kremlin-inspired Kleptocracy and, at least ostensibly, respecting American institutions like the Judiciary, the First Amendment, the US Constitution, and American Intelligence Services, Trump cannot stop himself from acting like the insecure schnorrer he is. His insatiable appetite for any kind of media — social, virtual, print and reality, television news, negative, positive  or ridicule— drove the failed “ Apprentice” to produce his newest daily game show from the White House, with a cast of characters far more repulsive than Omarosa, although she was kept around for an occasional cameo.

The new ratings (or is it rantings and ravings?) hit has been perfectly named “Shit Sandwich,” by advisors to Vice-Admiral Robert Harward, Deputy Commander of US Central Command, who told him this week what he’d be stepping into if he agreed to replace notorius Russian TV mouthpiece Michael Flynn as National Security Director.

Neither Burnett nor Zucker — who produced and greenlighted many shitty reality shows while at NBC — could have foreseen such a logjam of lunatics and losers under one roof as Vice-Admiral’s Harward’s friends found in “Shit Sandwich.” Instinctively, Trump knew that none of us — especially the media he loves to hate — could turn away from something so astoundingly vile.

The “highly over-rated” cast of “Shit Sandwich” includes: Steven “Seig Heil,” Bannon, a walking “Evola” Virus, taking his cues from a dead, deranged Italian Fascist — Julius Evola— who believed Mussolini and Hitler weren’t tough enough on Jews, and wrote about women as “things”; Eva Conway Braun (aka KKKKelly Anne Conjob), who thought she could pitch Ivanka’s products on the air, ethics laws be damned, and then discovered she couldn’t even pitch herself to the news shows that used to fawn over her boss, like “Morning Joe”; and Mike Pence, who still doesn’t know he was lied to by Trump, by Mike Flynn, and by the gay-conversion therapists he listended to years ago.

Bit players in “Shit Sandwich” include Reince Priebus, whose penis shaped head perfectly suits what flows from his mouth; the “31-year old” Josef Goebbels wannabe Stephen “I-never-got-laid-in-High School, and-my-liberal-parents-ignored-me,” Miller, and Sean “Spitting Spicey” Spicer, plucked from obscurity from a truck stop toilet in Tallahassee.

 Although, the “well-oiled machine” of “Shit Sandwich” has been boffo at the box-office, it’s still not enough for the approval-addicted “Apprentice”; minute-by-minute he must mainline more and more mainstream media attention in order to breath. His tweets are a mere Russian “ruse” for new plot lines, equating his attacks on Nordstrom’s and Saturday Night Live,with attacks on the Judiciary and the CIA. If you mock everything, then everything is a mockery.

Consistent with the story-line of “Shit Sandwich” is Trump’s nomination of Scott Pruitt to head the EPA, a polluter’s pawn who rose to power by covering up the damage of toxic Chicken Manure (aka: “Chicken Shit”) and earthquake producing fracking in his home state of Oklahoma — actions that have probably caused more Okies’ deaths than the Oklahoma City bombing 20 years ago by a Fascist extremist. Pruitt’s approval by the GOP-lead Senate comes on the heels of the surfacing of a 27 year old Oprah Winfrey Show tape of Trump’s  Putzy Labor nominee’s wife dressed in disguise where she testified that the billionaire burger flipper hit her with his hamburgers, again and again. Not even the New Yorker’s Andy Borowitz could make this stuff up, and the “Shit Sandwich’s” ratings blew the roof off the White House.

In short, “The Apprentice,” who came to power riding the back of the media, was now in danger of ending up inside its’ bowels, unable to satiate his own narcissism, unglued by criticism, with his out-of-control ego unable to withstand the withering scrutiny of his lies, his life and his lack of talent. Will CNN’s Jeff Zucker help flush “Shit Sandwich” down the drain? Will CBS’ Les Moonves keep up the car-accident coverage because its great for the his company’s bottom line?

 Stay tuned for BREAKING NEWS at the top of this sentence.

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