(Dolly Parton, a real native of Appalachia, who loves cats and claims all the children of the world to be worthy of her love, might just have some new lyrics of “Jolene” for JD Vance.”
(Satirical adaptation by Steve Villano, July 28, 2024, from Dolly Parton’s original song “Jolene,” from her Album “Coate of Many Colours,” October 15, 1973).
[Chorus)
JD, JD, JD, JDeeee
I’m beggin’ of you please,
Don’t kill my cat.
Just Dumb, Just Dumb, Just Dumb, JDeeee
Please don’t’ treat me mean,
‘Cause you’re a man.
[Verse 1]
Misogyny beyond compare,
Your scraggly beard of pubic hair
Hides your disdain for every mare.
Your sneer is made O’ Mountain Do,
Children just a prop to you,
But, I’ll not let you shame me, JD.
(Chorus)
JD, JD, JD, JDEEEE,
I’m telling you now, please
Just shut your trap.
Just Dumb, Just Dumb, Just Dumb, JDEEE
Don’t Mansplain me
“Cause you think you can.
[Verse 2]
You talk of Trump, Thiel in your sleep,
There’s nothing I can do to keep
From screamin’ when you holler out their names, JD.
And I cannot understand,
Why you’re enslaved to such weird men,
Or how much Freedom means to us, JD.
[Chorus]
JD, JD, JD, JDEEEEE,
We’re organizing strong
Against you, Vance.
JD, JD,JD, JDEEEEE
You and Trump don’t have a
5 o’clock shadow of a chance.
[Verse 3]
You’ve sold yourself so many times,
Forgotten love that makes life rhyme
You’ll never be the one for me, JD.
I had to have this talk with you—
About our futures you’ve no clue,
And yours, we’re flushing down the loo, JD.
[Chorus]
JD, JD, JD, JDEEEE
We’re marching to the polls enmasse,
To kick your weasely little ass, JD.
Just Dumb, Just Dumb, Just Dumb, JDEEEEE
Women’ll write your eulogy, JD.